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I chose to read chapter 9 “You Mean I Can Just Say it That Way?” from our book They Say/I Say. I chose this chapter because I was curious as to what exactly it was going to explain. Along with this, I also chose this chapter because I often find myself trying too hard to find “smart” words to describe something when really I can just put it into my original thought. This chapter goes on to explain how most writers, especially students, spend too much time finding ways to make a sentence sound more intellectual. This just adds more words into their argument and essentially confuses their audience on what it is they are trying to get to. When it comes to making a clear argument, as the authors of this book argue, it is sometimes in our best efforts to write as we normally would, rather than trying too hard to overcomplicate something. Ultimately, students should focus on organizing a clear argument, even if it seems “too simple” by inputting their own voice rather than complicating topics too early in the paper.

That being said, I believe that I often put myself in situations where I try to make sentences sound a lot more structured than they actually need to be. In my multimodal paper, I should work on explaining my quotes in simpler terms and putting my foot down when it comes to my voice. Especially seeing as how this paper is based on my opinion of the way a narrative impacts someone’s life. I think that by doing so this will also take a lot of stress off of my shoulders and allow me to make a much clearer argument than what I have already put down. Of course, this won’t be a tactic I use for my entire paper as that is not what the book suggests, however it is a tactic that can be useful in pieces of evidence throughout the draft.

My next step in revision is to be sure that my arguments are clear, even if they are just plainly and simply stated. Sometimes it’s about getting to the point rather than trying too hard to explain something and having your reader be more confused than they already may be. It will make my argument more organized than it seems to be at the moment, and may even give me room to elaborate on something I may have missed.

The way my partner chose to start out his essay was well done and interesting in my opinion! Starting out with questions to make the reader think and want to read more is always a good intro into an argument. While his paper continued to be strong and interesting, I suggest that he adds more transitions so that his topics flow together neatly and clearly rather than jumping from one discussion to another unsaid. With this in mind, I also feel as though his paper should not end so abruptly and rather end with a conclusion, even if it’s just a couple sentences stating what he believes and why narratives may or may not be important. Also, there is one point in the essay where he gives an example from his personal life which is important to his essay. However, I feel as though he should describe why it’s so important and what his life would have been like had he not experienced what he did. How would he be different? How would he have changed if at all? Doesn’t have to be too much detail but I think it would make his example stronger. Other than these simple changes, once he figures out a format and what visuals to put into his paper, it will be much stronger and better organized.

Goals:

At the moment, I have a few goals for this paper in order to get the best grade possible. First, I would love to test out the different styles and fonts of which I can use to make my paper look neat, organized, and interesting. I feel like looking at a more unique set up will make the paper seem a bit more interesting as it will be pleasing to the eye and organized neatly. Within the format I choose, I would love to incorporate pictures of my own that relate to what I am arguing. I feel like pictures from my photo gallery will make more of a point rather than random photos from google. Lastly, and most importantly, I want my argument to be clear and organized. Nothing makes a paper strong like a clear, strong, organized argument.

Steps to achieve goal:

1. Make another outline for my paper, pulling quotes from both texts that I feel are important and can make an argument out of.
2. Pull sentences from the rough draft that I like and make them into a new, final draft.
3. Look through my photos for pictures that will best go with what I am arguing.
4. Find the best way to organize my paper into a unique, clear, organized argument. Maybe stick with what I have now?

Biggest Challenge:

My biggest challenge while reviewing this paper will probably be trying to make an argument without repeating what I argued in a previous paragraph, which is what I did in the rough draft. I’m thinking to maybe combine them and come up with another topic so that way my argument is stronger. Finding some pictures of my own may also be a challenge, I have an idea for one but may need to use google for others. Also MLA will be a struggle, I should probably review how to do that again.

If these challenges come across as challenging, I plan to use my friends and professor to help advise me on what it is I need to do. For the pictures and format, I will most likely use my friends to test out what I have and see what their opinions are. For MLA format, I plan on asking my professor what it is that I can do to make things a bit easier. Reasons why MLA hasn’t been my strongsuit in the last papers is because I was too lazy to go back and check them. This time, that is changing!

For my multimodal project, I have carefully chosen Jeremy Vuong’s narrative project to describe why I believe narratives are so important. His interviewee talks about how experiences have changed his life and affected the way that he views it through a personal story. His connection to this story here will allow me to expand on why I believe narratives influence how to view aspects in life. This addition to my multimodal project covers audio media and how it comes together with other modes to create a strong text. While discussing the importance of narrative in an individual’s life, I plan on also incorporating pictures that have to do with experiences that have shaped my life. With these pictures, I intend on explaining the stories behind them of course and how they led to my identity. This will cover a second mode, visual, and help to explain why experiences create our narrative. Lastly, I plan on organizing my paper and being creative with the style of the font so that the spatial mode is covered. The spatial mode and change of font style with certain words will indicate importance and targeted areas throughout the essay.

Links to use:

Interview Narrative

• Needs more words
• More organized into what I plan on doing

As Julie Beck explores the effects of narrative arcs on an individual’s life, there are a few points that stick out to me and make me pause, take a minute, and really think about it. One example of this is right at the beginning of the article when Beck talks about how the way a person internally perceives their narrative. An event may happen one way, but the way they perceive it and tell it to the next person may be different. Personally, I feel like this statement is VERY obvious in our everyday lives! When you think about it, we are always saying “Well, that’s just their side of the story” because the way they experienced something may be different compared to someone else. Another point in the article that stuck out to me was when Beck mentioned the importance of communicating our stories with others. One important thing that she mentioned in that section was how the consequence to not telling someone your story is that you in return will not be given anything to think about or ponder on. This ultimately leads to a missed chance where growth could have occurred. I personally 100% agree with this section because sometimes people, including myself, are too scared to let our emotions out when really we are only making things worse by keeping them in. Lastly, Beck brought up the importance of finding the positive in negative situations. When reflecting back on negative situations, people often reflect on how badly they were hurt, what it did to their future, etc. In the midst of this, they miss out on, instead, elaborating on how this negative situation brought some level of self-identity into their life. The way they changed and grew from such an experience that they thought would beat them down. With just these three topics from the article, it is safe to say that I agreed with what Julie Beck had to say on an individual’s “Life’s Stories”.

Do you see any patterns?

My writing seems to consist mostly of repeating key terms that my paragraphs are based on, as in this one you can see that the words science, art, and dentist are used numerous times. I’ve also noticed a pattern of transition words, usually “on the other hand”, “however”, “furthermore”, etc.

Do you rely on certain devices more than others?

From the looks of this paragraph, it seems as though I rely mostly on key terms than any of the other devices mentioned. I do believe that when it comes to writing, I try to avoid words like “it” and “that” so that the paper sounds as formal as possible. However, I feel as though I usually incorporate a lot of transitions throughout my writing as they provide an easier way to flow from one topic to the next.

Are there any passages that are hard to follow and if so, can you make them easier to read by trying any of the other devices discussed in this chapter?

I think that throughout most of my free draft, there are TONS of areas that are hard to follow, mostly because I don’t focus on one point throughout the entire paper. If I use all three of the devices given to us from “They Say I Say”, then I think that they will make my paper stronger overall. Not to mention, they will also introduce a clear, organized flow that as of now is what my paper is in need of.

Overall, I thought that Owen’s essay was strongly worded and he was going in the right direction. One thing I noticed, however, was that his paper was a bit short, which he had pointed out as well. I suggested that to fix this, he focuses on adding another body paragraph into his essay that explains another reason as to why physical therapy needs art incorporated sciences. I also suggested this because he only had two reasons as to why he needed art to become a physical therapist. I think it would also benefit him to add more quotes to his essay as a way to better explain his arguments. By adding more quotes, he will have more evidence to explain and go off on of how art is beneficial to his education. He should also focus on adding transition sentences between his body paragraphs so that his essay flows more smoothly. Lastly, I recommended that Owen expands on his conclusion, summarizing more on what he discussed in his paper and why he believes that art is beneficial to his career.

My favorite brainstorming activity to use when writing a paper has to be between making columns and free writing. As I was writing my first paper, I found it easy to connect the three texts by bulleting important points made in the essays. Once I had the important information from each one, I’d put a 1, 2, 3, etc next to some of the points connecting the authors’ ideas together. I also enjoyed free writing because it gave me the chance to just type whatever I wanted/needed to let out without thinking too hard about it. Had I spent too much time, I wouldn’t have been able to reach certain points I wanted to make throughout the essay.

Potential Thesis:

I believe that in the curious world that we live in today, art will provide a gateway for inspiration and better explanations that connect to the gigantic, unknown science universe we continually try to explore.

Pinker & Yo-Yo Ma

Steven Pinker and Yo-Yo Ma talk about the importance of sciences in our world not just based off of experiments, but also on religion, and art. Science is often argued as solely a subject with experiments, data, and observations that have nothing to do with art. However, art may play a larger role in the sciences than an individual may think, as they help to compare and inspire ideas. It may be agreeable that science is such a closed society which needs to open up to the world we live in. Pinker states that, “To cultivate the world, we must cultivate work-arounds for our cognitive limitations, including skepticism, open debate, formal precision, and empirical tests, often requiring feats of ingenuity”. Likewise, Ma argues that science needs art to inspire a scientist by allowing their brain to be flexible in the ways in which it studies a subject. Ma states that, “The values behind arts integration – collaboration, flexible thinking, and disciplined imagination – lead to the capacity to innovate”. As Ma argues, arts will introduce more qualities of a successful individual that will allow them to better explain what it is that they are researching. Science is not just about the experiments, or the data, or the observations. It is about being able to understand our limits and using our senses and emotions in ways that other subjects, such as art, can do. After comparing the arguments of Pinker and Ma, I agree that sciences need to open up to the humanities as they will vastly impact the way the scientific universe works.

Text to Self

As a student in the medical field, I can easily say that all types of sciences are important to my education, as well as many other fields students study these days. Science seems to be a large part of our world’s educational society these days because experiments, observations, data, and measurements are always being taken. In a world driven around technology, we are always finding ways to make science easier, find cures for medicine, and angles and tools at which to build buildings. As a future dentist, science even goes into the creation of making an effective toothpaste that will benefit your teeth in all ways possible. When it comes to science, Pinker states that, “It is, rather, indispensable in all areas of human concern, including politics, the arts, and the search for meaning, purpose, and morality.” Essentially, Pinker is telling his audience that science is important in all fields and serves a different meaning for different perspectives in our lives. Personally, I am able to see how science correlates to any field someone may choose to work in. Furthermore, an individual may even notice how their field helps the science world to become more explainable. Whether we want to acknowledge it, or take a science class, or not, science is and always will be a major part of our society.