The way my partner chose to start out his essay was well done and interesting in my opinion! Starting out with questions to make the reader think and want to read more is always a good intro into an argument. While his paper continued to be strong and interesting, I suggest that he adds more transitions so that his topics flow together neatly and clearly rather than jumping from one discussion to another unsaid. With this in mind, I also feel as though his paper should not end so abruptly and rather end with a conclusion, even if it’s just a couple sentences stating what he believes and why narratives may or may not be important. Also, there is one point in the essay where he gives an example from his personal life which is important to his essay. However, I feel as though he should describe why it’s so important and what his life would have been like had he not experienced what he did. How would he be different? How would he have changed if at all? Doesn’t have to be too much detail but I think it would make his example stronger. Other than these simple changes, once he figures out a format and what visuals to put into his paper, it will be much stronger and better organized.
This is an excellent peer review. I especially appreciated the thoroughness of your thoughtful 150-word note.